“In Cahoots” is a poem I wrote during my grieving period. Though I believe I’m still in my grieving period and feel that this period may never end. I do get slight breaks since it comes in waves, ranging from light to medium to harsh, then back to nothing. My mom was taken from the earth in 2016. She certainly played a major part in my life. Even though we are all aware that we’re leaving here when loved ones leave it’s always too soon. We may try to imagine what it would be like, or just avoid imagining it all, but the truth is when it happens, we deal with it in as many of the better ways we can that may help soothe the pain-crying, counseling, drinking, binge-watching movies, etc.
Of course, writing is another one of those ways. I long so badly to find words, which were never created, that may help to best describe the hole in my bottomless soul. Since I never can, the words I’ve written will have to do. Oftentimes, I wish I could create new words that would give things clarity. But then I think, it’s hard enough interpreting English. New words would be a turn-off. It makes sense that everyone grieves differently. However, I’m sure we can all find something similar to help ease the pain, even if just temporarily. The one thing that helps is empathy. Knowing others can relate to you makes everything a bit better to deal with.
Perhaps after reading my poem, you can relate to something I’ve stated or not. Whatever the outcome, I hope you can still enjoy my words. I plan to eventually publish a book titled Labeling Saga, where I intend to publish more poems, proses, and hybrids. Until then, I hope you continue checking back on my website to see what’s new. I appreciate your continued support. Enjoy this beautiful blessed new day.
In Cahoots
It’s so special not being alone for nine months straddled cozily in a womb pulsing organs lull me like an endless sound machine suddenly I’m out unattached screaming shaking in cool temperature Mama’s still here waiting with me for me even on me my entire life Abruptly she vanishes no one replaces her not even remotely It feels like everyone is intentionally treating me in no way near how mama would I then begin doing it to myself Distancing from all that feels like love loving or a replica among it would fictional love do I was given that on a silver platter but rejected that too NO LOVE is preferred yeah I’m much more comfortable with that
besides everything I’ve ever acquainted with love eventually fades as if it’s in cahoots with a vicious hurricane can’t stop it can’t catch it can’t contain it undeliverable tried ordering it couldn’t quite make out the menu it’s all so foreign I end up preordering something it makes me sick to the stomach it looked prettier in the picture I know what not to reorder next time only next time it’s a pseudo funneling another inappropriate ingesting I’m sick all over again sick of hoping I’m sick all over again sick of wondering sick of even trying anymore I’ll drink instead it arrives but that’s no drink It’s salty tears masked as a decorative salty rim around a margarita glass my mentioning this gives this impression that I care I don’t I keep drinking covering up though failing to ebb the flow no one will notice I hope